Hearing The News

Here I am leaving for a doctor's appointment that I thought was going to go like normal, X-rays, blood tests, and another bottle of pills to pop.

My mom went with me to this appointment because every kid has a fear of their first time going to the doctor by themselves, and I wasn't ready to make that jump yet. It took what seemed that forever to get into the little room where the doctor talks to you. Dr. Frier asked me the same questions he always does and said that he wanted X-rays done on my knees. I was going along with everything like, "yeah, yep, I know. Okay, sounds good." Then Curtis asked me when my last period was... I just kind of sat there and said I didn't remember when my last one was. He said, "Well Courtney, since you don't remember when your last period was, we're going to have to send you to the lab to get a pregnancy test done before you go get X-rays." I laughed because I was 100% sure that I wasn't pregnant. As my mom and I are sitting in the waiting area at the radiology lab, my mom turns to me and says, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" Again I laughed and said I wasn't. After that, the nurse that had done my vitals in the doctor's office pulled me into a separate room and told me I was pregnant. I instantly started crying and told her there was no way. My mom came into the room and the first thing I said was, "I'm not keeping it," All my mom could do was hug me and say that she'll support me no matter what I do. Instead of getting X-rays that day, I had an ultrasound done. I found out that I was almost 8 months pregnant with a baby girl. During the ultrasound I refused to hear her heartbeat, I wasn't looking at the screen that showed what was growing inside of me, and I didn't want any pictures. All I did was lay there, stare at the ceiling, and cry. Why would God put me through something like this when I'm only 18 and going to be going to college this fall? What am I going to do?" There was a lot of back and forth between keeping my precious baby girl or placing her for adoption.
I was scared. Scared for my life, for Margot's life, for everything. I didn't know what to do. I barely knew anything about adoption, taking care of a baby, or anything for that matter... All I wanted to do was bawl. Which is basically what I did for about two weeks.
The day after I found out I was pregnant, there were multiple people that needed to know... My dad (My parents are divorced. Dad remarried, mom has a boyfriend), my grandpa, my school secretary, counselor, and principal. Who did all the news spilling? My mother dearest. I couldn't say the word "I" without choking up. It was hard facing people for a while, even if they didn't know.
That fallowing Monday I went back to school, sweats, baggy shirt, Columbia. I wanted to hide it as much as possible. During 2nd hour I had English 4, I disliked my teacher and the class itself so I would say I was going to the resource teacher when really I would go into study and talk to my favorite teacher, Mrs. Wagner. Mrs. Wagner understands me, unlike everyone else. She's like my second mom. I told her my story because I knew I could trust her, that's when I found out about Micah and Amanda.....

Meeting Micah & Amanda

So that day I talked to Mrs. Wagner, she told me about this couple, Micah and Amanda. I just kinda sat there and looked at her. She's a choir teacher, so she knew Amanda because Amanda is a choir teacher also. Micah is a software engineer. Wag told me about how these two had tried to adopt the summer of 2012, but Miracle (The baby) was born with a rare disease and passed away two days after she was born. As soon as I heard that I knew that I wanted them to be the one's to adopt my baby. Mrs. Wagner gave me Amanda's number and I called her that night.
The conversation was awkward, really awkward actually. We set up a time to meet at Chili's in Coralville that fallowing Saturday and that's when I knew that this was real. I wasn't dreaming. I was really pregnant, I was really about to meet the couple that are going to be taking care of my baby for the rest of her life.
Honestly, I couldn't have made a better choice. These two are beyond perfect. I love seeing them be parents to Margot, I love how I gave them that opportunity.
They're an amazing, caring, loving couple. I consider them part of my family.

Coping With Pregnancy & Time In The Hospital

I tried my hardest to keep my pregnancy a secret, I told two of my closest friends and that was it. I didn't want the kids at school judging me, my family disowning me, and embarrassing myself. One day at school there was a blood drive. I was on the yearbook staff so I went into the gym to take pictures of people getting their blood drawn. Everyone was saying, "Why aren't you doing it?" When you're pregnant, you want to keep as much blood as possible. That was the day I found out people knew. My friend's younger sister asked her if I was pregnant. How people found out is beyond me. Just kidding, I was kind of starting to show. So I went home early that day and confessed on Facebook, lame I know but that was the best way to make sure EVERYONE knew. I basically said, "Yeah, I'm pregnant. No, I didn't plan it. Yes, I'm placing her for adoption and I already found an amazing couple to place her with. Don't judge me, I don't need your opinions. Leave my family alone. You're either with me or you're not. Peace." Except in a cuter, not so blunt way. It's amazing how many people actually supported me because face it, adoption isn't as popular these days. You see these young girls keeping their babies thinking that their baby daddy is going to stick with them. Well honey, NEWS FLASH: He's more than likely going to leave. Yes, I'm specifically talking about every girl that's on 16 & Pregnant. With the horrible luck I have, my baby's daddy wasn't involved in my pregnancy. We had broken up in July 2012, I found out I was pregnant in February 2013. When he found out I was pregnant with his baby, he denied it. Of course. He said he would take a paternity test, which is pointless. You took my virginity, you're the only guy I've had sex with, SHE'S YOURS. He still hasn't taken one cause he found out that he would have to pay for it, and those bad boys aren't cheap.

The day after I posted the status confessing my pregnancy, I went to school with my head held high because quite frankly, I didn't care about what ANYONE thought. I knew in my heart that I was making the best decision possible for my baby. The school board worked with me and I ended up finishing school a couple months earlier than the rest of my class. My friends were sad to see me go early, but they were excited for me to have my baby. A popular topic everywhere I went was, "WHAT IF YOUR WATER BREAKS HERE!? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO!? CALL 911?!?!?!?" I told them that I would probably go to the nurse's office and have my baby there. The looks on their face's; priceless.

One day I was sitting at home and I realized the changes my body and emotions have gone through. I realized that I gained weight, that I suddenly liked pickles, and became addicted to HGTV. My mom and I like to sit outside to get some sun and I found out that when you're pregnant, you burn really easily. The day we decided to sit out side, happened to be the day before I went into the hospital to start labor. I ended up having to be induced because my amniotic fluids were low and I wasn't dilating on my own.  This is what I looked like Monday afternoon getting ready to head to the hospital with a thumbs up. (:

When you get to the hospital and check into that fantastic OB Ward, there's a lot you have to do before that sweet little baby pops out. My first night in the ward was terrible. The medicine they were giving me (Not pitocin) was causing me to have horrible contractions, but it wasn't doing anything otherwise. Here I am, bawling my head off, telling the nurse (Josephine) to give me morphine and she says, "Are you really in that much pain?" REALLY!? DON'T MAKE ME PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. Long story short, I was a horrible patient unless my nurse was Sandy or Lyla. 

1) You have to change into that ugly hospital gown.

2) Get hooked up the machine that monitors your contractions and your baby's heartbeat.

(I fell asleep to her heartbeat every night. I absolutely loved it)

3) Get an IV. 

(My IV experience was beyond horrible. It took 10 different needle pokes and 5 different people. These are supposed to be pros, what the heck?)

4) Get checked 5 million different times.

(Literally. Until you have that baby, they will be checking your cervix. When you're pregnant, it HURTS)

5) Ask for morphine every hour, on the hour.

(I didn't miss a single beat. I ended up having too much morphine in my system and on Day #2 all my food came up. Gross)

6) Day #3 they started the pitocin. It's medicine that induces labor if you're one of the unlucky one's that doesn't go on your own.

(Induced labor is worse than regular labor)

7) Contractions are a moootherrr.

8) Get epidural.

(Also another horrible experience for me. I thought it was just a shot, HA! No, they stuck a catheter in my back. Not 1, but 3 different times. It worked on my left side, but not my right)

8 1/2) Get catheter. 

(The nurse I had when I gave birth was horrible. Beyond horrible. It hurt when she tried the first time and I told her I wasn't going to have one and if I pee then I pee! Who cares! Another nurse came in to do it and I told her the same thing. I REFUSED TO HAVE ONE AND IT WORKED)

9) PUSH, PUSH PUSSSHHHH.

(I was holding onto my mom's hand and my dad's thumb. My dad's hands are so big, his thumb was the only thing I could get a good grip on. It's a part of my whole pregnancy that I will never forget)

10) You have your bundle of joy covered in your insides. What a precious gift. 

I pushed for a total of 1 hour and 45 minutes. As soon as baby Margot was born these words came out of my mouth, "Hey mom, can you hand me my phone?" I HAD to tell everyone she was born! While the doctor was telling me that I had to got to the operating due to some tearing on the inside of my uterus, I was texting all my friends, "HOLY SHIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT." (Exact words) So after having a baby, I was in the operating room for another hour getting stitched up. 

The way I had things set up, I would be in the OB ward til I had baby Margot, then after I had her I would get moved to the Med/Surg floor so that I couldn't hear her crying or take care of her. Guess who did take care of her? Her adoptive parents. The OB ward actually gave them their own room so they didn't have to leave her! I got to my med/surg floor room and all I remember is my grandpa saying, "Thank you for giving me my second great granddaughter." & my dad saying, "Well I have to be at work tomorrow so I'll see you later. Love you." I then passed out due to the anesthetic. I woke up, took my first shower after having Margot (Best. Shower. Ever), went to the OB ward to talk to Lyla who missed my birth (sad face), ate supper, and watched Duck Dynasty with my mom. I was so relaxed, the most relaxed I have ever been in my life. I was in a cozy hospital room, watching my favorite TV show with a person who never left my side during the entire thing. Without my mom, I couldn't have done it. She truly is amazing and my main support beam. 

I fell asleep sleeping on my stomach for the first time in months and couldn't wait to meet my Margot the next day. (:

Meet Margot Isabel♥

Margot Isabel

Born April 10th, 2013 at 2:17 PM

6 lbs 15.5 oz

20 1/2 inches long

This was Margot's first picture not covered in grossness. Amanda took this and posted it on Facebook. With this picture and the picture I put of her on my Facebook, we got a total of at least 300 likes.

This was my first time holding her. All I could do was smile. She's perfect and how something so perfect can come from me, is mind blowing. But she's as close as it gets.

Everyone loves her to pieces.

Especially her adoptive parents, Micah and Amanda. I'm so thankful for them.

Since her birth, I've seen Margot three times including the day I signed the papers. 

I call it Signing Day, it makes it seem less intimidating. This was in Micah and Amanda's room in the OB Ward before we signed the papers. We took a bunch of pictures together.

The second time I saw the three of them was on Mother's Day. Being able to spend my first Mother's Day with my daughter, Micah, and Amanda was the greatest gift I could of ever asked for. I'm so blessed!

The third time I was missing Margot so much it made my heart ache and ache and ache. Amanda and Micah both fallow me on Twitter and I tweeted, "Really need to stop holding babies till I see my own.. #heavyheart" The next day Amanda called me and asked if I would like to meet her in Grinnell. God answered my prayers. 

She's grown so much. In a way I'm missing out on a lot, but even for an open adoption, I'm seeing her more than other people would in their open adoptions and I'm beyond thankful for that.

It's going to be a while before she knows who I really am.. But I can only hope that when that day comes, she'll understand why I made the decision I did and love me as much as I love her.♥