Hearing The News

Here I am leaving for a doctor's appointment that I thought was going to go like normal, X-rays, blood tests, and another bottle of pills to pop.

My mom went with me to this appointment because every kid has a fear of their first time going to the doctor by themselves, and I wasn't ready to make that jump yet. It took what seemed that forever to get into the little room where the doctor talks to you. Dr. Frier asked me the same questions he always does and said that he wanted X-rays done on my knees. I was going along with everything like, "yeah, yep, I know. Okay, sounds good." Then Curtis asked me when my last period was... I just kind of sat there and said I didn't remember when my last one was. He said, "Well Courtney, since you don't remember when your last period was, we're going to have to send you to the lab to get a pregnancy test done before you go get X-rays." I laughed because I was 100% sure that I wasn't pregnant. As my mom and I are sitting in the waiting area at the radiology lab, my mom turns to me and says, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" Again I laughed and said I wasn't. After that, the nurse that had done my vitals in the doctor's office pulled me into a separate room and told me I was pregnant. I instantly started crying and told her there was no way. My mom came into the room and the first thing I said was, "I'm not keeping it," All my mom could do was hug me and say that she'll support me no matter what I do. Instead of getting X-rays that day, I had an ultrasound done. I found out that I was almost 8 months pregnant with a baby girl. During the ultrasound I refused to hear her heartbeat, I wasn't looking at the screen that showed what was growing inside of me, and I didn't want any pictures. All I did was lay there, stare at the ceiling, and cry. Why would God put me through something like this when I'm only 18 and going to be going to college this fall? What am I going to do?" There was a lot of back and forth between keeping my precious baby girl or placing her for adoption.
I was scared. Scared for my life, for Margot's life, for everything. I didn't know what to do. I barely knew anything about adoption, taking care of a baby, or anything for that matter... All I wanted to do was bawl. Which is basically what I did for about two weeks.
The day after I found out I was pregnant, there were multiple people that needed to know... My dad (My parents are divorced. Dad remarried, mom has a boyfriend), my grandpa, my school secretary, counselor, and principal. Who did all the news spilling? My mother dearest. I couldn't say the word "I" without choking up. It was hard facing people for a while, even if they didn't know.
That fallowing Monday I went back to school, sweats, baggy shirt, Columbia. I wanted to hide it as much as possible. During 2nd hour I had English 4, I disliked my teacher and the class itself so I would say I was going to the resource teacher when really I would go into study and talk to my favorite teacher, Mrs. Wagner. Mrs. Wagner understands me, unlike everyone else. She's like my second mom. I told her my story because I knew I could trust her, that's when I found out about Micah and Amanda.....